To Care or not to care….

I don't really care about money. And I never really have. I've always known that that was mostly true because I always had enough of it to get by.

I grew up lucky. I mean the lucky of a white, male child of 2 well-educated parents in one of the socially well-functioning country. My family is safely in the upper half of middle class. I never lacked for anything important. I am also lucky to be smart enough that I never had a problem finding (and keeping) a decently paying job. So money has never had much sway over my attention, and I'm quite proud of that.

For the past 2-3 years I have gradually moved myself (profesionally) into the non-profit technology field, getting more and more involved in ict's for development, and having less and less money. And money continued to be of little interest to me. As long as I have had enough. And I mean enough in a social context. Enough that I could, in practice, livge the life that my peers in Copenhagen live. Go out once in a while, go on vacation with my family, and even buy a toy/gadget once in a while. The plan was to make that possible by doing some consulting work in parallel to my work with ICT's for development. The truth, is rather less sustainable. I have been living of my saving, and some money that I got as an early inheritance from my grandparents. The money is running out, or more precisely the money ran out a while ago. And while I wish I could till say that money is not important to me, I am gradually beginning to see the truth in what I have always known. It is not important, as long as you feel your needs are met. I shamefully admit that the idea of entering a period with very ittle money, even if I will always have enough to pay the bills, is very stressful. There's a dull tenseness in my stomache when I think about continuing the non-profit work that I am involved in now. We have some funding to continue our project, but it's not enough to pay me the half-time wage that I feel I would need in order not to worry too much about financial issues. On the other hand I have a commitment to pull off the Wireless Roadshow. A project that has been my dream for the past year, and that now, where e finally have funding, I will push myself to do to the utmost of my ability.

But the bottom line is, I am feeling the extent of my own vulnerability. Feeling the stress of working on something this different. I long to NOT have to care about money. And I long to work in a dedicated team of people who share at least some of my goals and visions, and in which we have a clear idea of where we are headed. In stead, I am working, in practice, only with Sebastian, our vision is unclear except that we are headed in the right general direction, and I have started worrying about money.