hi there, this is turning

hi there,
this is turning point in my life. or could be at least. i guess it all depends how i use my options?!?

i've never had so many options before. the possibilities. the offers from various corners of the danish internet scene. it's quite staggering.
sometimes i start doubting wether these are true options, or if it's just all bubbling into my ego. am i getting a little to concieted? do i just imaging all the options? sometimes i really think it must be getting to me, this unexpected succes here at icon medialab.
i got myself into a position, where it seems to me, we are on the threshold of a big move (over-hyped) into the world of mobile internet, and i'm a so-called expert.
well i don't feel like an expert, but i undeniably have a years of experience in a field that is basically only just being born?

well the bottom-line is, i'm happy here at icon. having a load of fun. learning tons, running my own (albeit tiny), department. but i have a lot of say over what i do in my day to day work. i'm making contacts galore. and i'm on the move. i have great colleagues, a lot of job security, but also with the important knowledge that i'm not tied into some big 2-year venture plan. i can leave any day, if i'm not having fun.

did i mention that the freedom to leave any day was a major plus. i did, didn't i? sorry, but it is important :-)

well, the plans for ventures are there. a lot of interesting projects, a lot of people who believe in me (how stupid can they get?) and form time to time, i feel like the biggest con-job. how can i rightfully claim to be an expert, or even reasonably competent? i have what? 3 years working experience, 3 years university. i'm 26! it's a disgrace.....
then there are the other days, where i think, hell no, i'm good at what i do, and as long as i don't extend my reach i'm a damn valuable resource. i have that ability to grasp complex concepts quick. i can cooperate with anyone. i have tons of contacts. i really do know a bit about wireless projects, and when i compare myself to a lot of those people who really make money, and gain succes in the business, i'm on par or over at least a few of them.
more substance, but not less talk :-) (those of you who know me, may know what i mean :-)

well, anyway, theres a number of interesting options, staying here, starting out on my own, joining other start-ups, kicking ass in the corporate world of wireless? some people say i should write for a living, just to do something entirely different, and the thought has struck me :-) also i do have one or two content-demanding web-initiatives as open options.

the question, however remains. how to do jkust those parts i love, do them well, make a decent living, and at the same time not commit myself to a single thing.

i think the commitment problem is quite central to the issue. i know it sounds like i just want to flow through life, avoiding responsibility, having fun, and generally leading an irresponsible and imature lifestyle. and you'd probably be right, but i guess that's a dream i share with many.
but apart from that, at the moment, i feel in essence, insecure about what i want. i don't know. i've felt this way before, when i was trying to choose a studyprogram, and once i'd chosen everything was ok. not because i was suddenly convinced that i made the right choice, but more because, know i'd made the choice there seemed to be no easy way out.
well, feeling unsure of what i want, maybe unsure of whether this recent succes was a fluke, or i'm really the kind of guy that always bounces back up? any clues, please let me know here.

well what i'øm really trying to say, i guess is that not being sure of what i want for myself in the next 2-3 years (that's an era or two in my world), i tend to shy away from long-term commitments. and in some senses starting a venture with two colleagues/friends is exactly that, a long-term commitment. on the other hand, imagine looking back at the wireless revolution in 3 years time, saying to yourself.... three years ago you were amongst the dozen people in denmark with longest experience of user-centered mobile development. you knew the technology, you had experience in practice, you had the contacts, your name was known in the business, and you chose to stay in a company that doesn't focus 100%, and you never became a part of that revolution, the way you could have been. could i live with that? probably, if i could also look back and say, that in those three years, i had fun, learnt something every week, and also had time and money to spend time with friends, family and loved ones, and maybe even see a bit of the world. i guess that's my real problem, i'm not a driven entrepreneur, i don't have ideals of wealth, in fact my ambitions are rather unusual, in that i want to go to bed every evening, saying i've had fun. i want to experience many different things. ssee the world, and talk to it's people. love signe, and be loved back and a lot of those things, that would prompt some to say i'm a spineless, unambitious s.o.b.
maybe i am, but who cares :-)

ok, i'm not getting any closer to a truth, or for that matter even an ambivalent hint at it. so there's only one solution. what is it, i hear you say? football of course. it's champions league final night, and here i am at work, cringing out my soul....

see ya!

/TT